In my last post, The Story of GB, I revealed the questions First Graders had for their class mascot 13 years ago. In an exciting overnight development, I was able to get an exclusive interview with GB, the Mother of all Gummy Bears. Landing this interview was not easy. Ever since retiring from her duties as mascot for the First Graders at Francis Scott Key Elementary School in a DC suburb, GB has kept out of the limelight, preferring the calm and solitude of her home country. After many phone conversations, GB agreed to answer several of the questions first posed to her 13 years ago. We met in the study of her Albanese home at the foot of the Albanian Alps. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

SJA: Where are you from?

GB: As you know, I am Albanese and currently reside in Borat, also known as the “City of a Thousand Windows.” My actual origin, however, was in Bonn, Germany when Hans Reigel first created gummy bears in 1922. We were inspired by real trained bears that danced at European street fairs and festival markets.

SJA: Most gummy bears are very small. How did you get so big?

GB: Actually, the very first gummy bears were taller and slimmer than the ones today. The American market boom for gummies hit in the 1980s, and like all things American, people wanted bigger, more colorful and something that stood out even more from traditional soft gum drops or hard candies. Now, of course, gummy bears are also made in the USA.

SJA: I see that you are no longer on a stick . . .

GB: Thank the Great Gummy for that! As a giant gummy bear, I was 88 times larger than the standard gummy bears and adding a stick was a novelty design for mess-free handling and portion control of a massive treat. Plus kids would think it was a giant lollipop. And it was! I weighed half a pound!

SJA: I had no idea you were that heavy.

GB: Not anymore, thank Gummy. I was pregnant 13 years ago and the stick hurt like hell. It was removed when I was freed of the container — or box as referenced by one of the First Graders — and out popped eight little red gummy bears! I was thrilled because the color red is psychologically perceived to taste about 10 percent sweeter than other colors. I adopted a blue gummy bear after it was discovered at the bottom of what was thought to be an empty bag. I leave no gummy behind!

SJA: What about your own family? Do you have parents?

GB: Sadly, I was abandoned by my parents when they left to buy milk and cigarettes. They never returned, but about a year ago, they tried to contact me. Now that I am famous and successful they claimed that they have “always” loved me. Right . . . and I’m the Queen of Albania.

SJA: Now you are beloved by billions the world over.

GB: It is a great honor to be among the millions and millions of gummy bears that have made the world sweeter and better. I just wish more people would respect our shelf life. An opened bag lasts only 3 to 6 months and then the gummies begin to degrade. Consumers begin to lose our most cherished qualities: our vibrant flavor; our soft, unyielding chew and our appealing aroma.

SJA: One last question — do you have an opinion on all the gummy bear paraphernalia and tchotchkes out in the market?

GB: It was destined to happen: gummy bear toys, t-shirts, hats, LED lights . . . that stuff, I don’t really mind. What melts my butt is all the wall art you can buy on Etsy, Amazon and other cheap places.

SJA: What specifically disturbs you about this art?

GB: First, it interrogates the binary or organic and synthetic contracts; second, it resists the tyranny of the frontal plane while subverting Renaissance spatial conventions; third, these objects are neither the objects of objecthood nor the art-object. They are rather the oblique objects of authentic gummy-ness, if you will. Last, they are just plain shit.

SJA: Thank you for your time. It’s been a real honor. Any last advice?

GB: Keep calm and chew on!