Due to overwhelming interest after her interview in Stay Calm and Chew On, GB, the Mother of all Gummy Bears, agreed to respond to more questions and comments. Her responses have been edited for length and clarity.

SJA: Thank you for generously continuing our interview.

GB: I was genuinely surprised by the interest.

SJA: Actually, I was, too. The first question is from a “T. Miceli” in Orlando, Florida. She would like to visit your home country of Albania one day. You live in the town of Borat. She wants to know your opinion of Corfu, Bari or Split.

GB: Hmmmm . . . well, none of those places are in Albania, per se, but Greece, Croatia and Italy. My suggestion would be to take a cruise on the Adriatic Sea where you can stop at all of those places. Besides, it’s the most wonderful sea in the world.

SJA: What makes it so wonderful?

GB: Where do I begin? It has exceptionally clear turquoise waters, over 1,300 islands and is at the crossroads of history. I could go on and on, but I suggest this reader google it.

SJA: This same reader,”T. Miceli,” wanted to know if your little blue gummy bear named Fred is ever called “Freddie.”

GB: Good heavens, no! “Fred” is a core part of his identity and changing it to an insulting nickname like “Freddie” is disrespectful and dismissive. That being said, Fred also responds to: Frederick, Alfred, Fernidad, Wilfred, Manfred, Frederico and Fritz.

SJA: “T. Miceli” also wants to know what else melts your butt and why?

GB: YOU would know, SJA, because your mother once left a bag of gummy bears in the car in the hot, hot, hot Orlando sun — T. Miceli’s town, right? — and they all melted into one gawd-awful mess. But your mother didn’t let them go to waste. She put them in the refrigerator freezer and then patiently and methodically cut the slab into tiny pieces.

SJA: Yeah, I had forgotten all about that, but it’s true. I now go through a 5-pound bag in about a month so they don’t degrade in any way.

GB: Here’s a tip — if your gummy bears ever accidentally get rock hard, you can revive them with a piece of fresh bread or an apple wedge. Seriously. Just google it.

SJA: Our next question is from a “Mr. Richard Feder” in Fort Lee, New Jersey. Mr. Feder would like to know your go-to beauty secret.

GB: Interesting question. Some celebrities can sound SO pretentious when answering that question! My go-to beauty secret is using a jade roller that lives in a dedicated mini-fridge. Keeping facial tools next to artisanal oat milk in a dedicated skincare fridge keeps the jade roller at precisely 40 degrees Fahrenheit upon application. I also drink chlorophyll water exclusively. Hydration is fine, but drinking bright green liquefied plant blood out of a crystal glass oxygenates the cellular matrix. Last, I floss every night.

SJA: A “P. Pilate” in the Roman province of Judea would like to know, “What is truth?”

GB: Whatever keeps me out of jail and looking fabulous! Sorry, that’s pretty snarky. Truth for me is when what you say or think matches what is real.

SJA: Do you have any challenges?

GB: Absolutely — the biggest one is brand competition. In overcrowded markets you have no idea how difficult it is to maintain relevance. That is why gummy bears have invested in deep brand equity. A unique design and taste are at the core of our customer experience.

According to GB, the chocolate pictured here is “just brown wax that tricks you into thinking it’s food and turns your hands into a sticky, fingerprint-smearing disaster in five seconds flat.”

SJA: I want to be respectful of your time. Is there anything you’d like to add?

GB: Yes, there is. I have no idea who “Charlotte Rogers” is, but in response to the first part of this interview published yesterday, she wrote: “Who knew gummy bears would get an entire column/day!” Her comment aggrieved me and other gummy bears, so we got together to send a collective response.

GB says, “Eat this, Charlotte!”

Sharon J. Anderson Avatar

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8 responses to “Keep On Chewing”

  1. Charlotte Rogers Avatar
    Charlotte Rogers

    Ouch

    1. Sharon J. Anderson Avatar

      Charlotte — I don’t want to read too much into your one word comment, but you do understand that my intention with these interviews with GB have first and foremost been in the spirit of “fun and silly” as one reader posted in a comment yesterday.

      Also, working on these GB posts have ignited my intention to interview myself and/or parts of myself the results of which will be appearing in the coming weeks here. I’ve avoided looking too deeply into myself for decades. Humor opens a door. It always opens a door.

  2. Trish Miceli Avatar
    Trish Miceli

    Thank you and thanks to GB for keeping it real. The Fred response was so helpful. It also melts my butt what masquerades as chocolate these days AND ice cream!

    1. Sharon J. Anderson Avatar

      Trish — GB very much appreciated your queries and asked if she could get in touch with you. Given your opinion about chocolate AND ice cream, I’m certain she’ll be even more interested in connecting. I, of course, told her that I had to ask you first. GB responded, “Have her girl call my girl.” Lemme know.

      Also, Fred would like to take you out to dinner.

  3. Beth Avatar
    Beth

    Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Thanks, I needed that!

    1. Sharon J. Anderson Avatar

      You are welcome, Beth. Bringing GB to life brought some much-needed zest into mine.❤️

  4. Adrienne Avatar
    Adrienne

    I have thoroughly enjoyed learning about GB.

    Sharon, your interview skills never cease to amaze me. I love your in depth questions and your ability to get the subject to open up.

    I would like to know what language(s) GB speaks?

  5. Sharon J. Anderson Avatar

    First of all, Adrienne, thank you for your affirmation. I LOVE to conduct interviews because I always learn so much about the person I am interviewing, but in some strange way, I also learn a lot about myself. Plus, I learn stuff I never knew and will probably try like the chlorophyll water for hydration. My cellular matrix hasn’t been oxygenated since FOREVER. Thank you, GB.

    But to answer your question, GB speaks between 40-50 languages. The world-wide “Gummy Bear Song” features several of those languages. Here’s the youtube link to that song:

    The languages in that video include Greek, Portuguese, Dutch, Bulgarian, Vietnamese, Mandarin, Thai, Cantonese, Korean, Indonesian, Malay, Finnish, Danish, Tamil, Kolsch, Klingon, Patois, and maybe English.

    In Germany, GB is called, “Gummibär”; in Spanish, “oso de goma”; France, “ours en gommeux”; Hungary, “Gumimaci”; Japan, グミの熊 (Gumi no kuma); Russia, “желейный мишка (zhéley-nyý mísh-ka); and Pig Latin, “ummy-gay ear-bay”.

    GB would specifically like you to know that in German, one of the verses in the “Gummy Bear Song” translates to: “I’m a gummy bear and you’re my gummy girl… I give you my heart because I love you.”

    I know, I know, completely trite, platitudinous, treacly, schmaltzy and jejune. But what can you do? I blame it on the chlorophyll water. Thank you for your question!❣️

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