Due to overwhelming interest after her interview in Stay Calm and Chew On, GB, the Mother of all Gummy Bears, agreed to respond to more questions and comments. Her responses have been edited for length and clarity.

SJA: Thank you for generously continuing our interview.

GB: I was genuinely surprised by the interest.

SJA: Actually, I was, too. The first question is from a “T. Miceli” in Orlando, Florida. She would like to visit your home country of Albania one day. You live in the town of Borat. She wants to know your opinion of Corfu, Bari or Split.

GB: Hmmmm . . . well, none of those places are in Albania, per se, but Greece, Croatia and Italy. My suggestion would be to take a cruise on the Adriatic Sea where you can stop at all of those places. Besides, it’s the most wonderful sea in the world.

SJA: What makes it so wonderful?

GB: Where do I begin? It has exceptionally clear turquoise waters, over 1,300 islands and is at the crossroads of history. I could go on and on, but I suggest this reader google it.

SJA: This same reader,”T. Miceli,” wanted to know if your little blue gummy bear named Fred is ever called “Freddie.”

GB: Good heavens, no! “Fred” is a core part of his identity and changing it to an insulting nickname like “Freddie” is disrespectful and dismissive. That being said, Fred also responds to: Frederick, Alfred, Fernidad, Wilfred, Manfred, Frederico and Fritz.

SJA: “T. Miceli” also wants to know what else melts your butt and why?

GB: YOU would know, SJA, because your mother once left a bag of gummy bears in the car in the hot, hot, hot Orlando sun — T. Miceli’s town, right? — and they all melted into one gawd-awful mess. But your mother didn’t let them go to waste. She put them in the refrigerator freezer and then patiently and methodically cut the slab into tiny pieces.

SJA: Yeah, I had forgotten all about that, but it’s true. I now go through a 5-pound bag in about a month so they don’t degrade in any way.

GB: Here’s a tip — if your gummy bears ever accidentally get rock hard, you can revive them with a piece of fresh bread or an apple wedge. Seriously. Just google it.

SJA: Our next question is from a “Mr. Richard Feder” in Fort Lee, New Jersey. Mr. Feder would like to know your go-to beauty secret.

GB: Interesting question. Some celebrities can sound SO pretentious when answering that question! My go-to beauty secret is using a jade roller that lives in a dedicated mini-fridge. Keeping facial tools next to artisanal oat milk in a dedicated skincare fridge keeps the jade roller at precisely 40 degrees Fahrenheit upon application. I also drink chlorophyll water exclusively. Hydration is fine, but drinking bright green liquefied plant blood out of a crystal glass oxygenates the cellular matrix. Last, I floss every night.

SJA: A “P. Pilate” in the Roman province of Judea would like to know, “What is truth?”

GB: Whatever keeps me out of jail and looking fabulous! Sorry, that’s pretty snarky. Truth for me is when what you say or think matches what is real.

SJA: Do you have any challenges?

GB: Absolutely — the biggest one is brand competition. In overcrowded markets you have no idea how difficult it is to maintain relevance. That is why gummy bears have invested in deep brand equity. A unique design and taste are at the core of our customer experience.

According to GB, the chocolate pictured here is “just brown wax that tricks you into thinking it’s food and turns your hands into a sticky, fingerprint-smearing disaster in five seconds flat.”

SJA: I want to be respectful of your time. Is there anything you’d like to add?

GB: Yes, there is. I have no idea who “Charlotte Rogers” is, but in response to the first part of this interview published yesterday, she wrote: “Who knew gummy bears would get an entire column/day!” Her comment aggrieved me and other gummy bears, we got together to send a collective response.

GB says, “Eat this, Charlotte!”

Sharon J. Anderson Avatar

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