May 27, 2025

SURGICAL LESSONS — PLAY!

Pain and simple, total knee replacement surgery hurts, and for the first two weeks, it’s a real shitshow. [That word, by the way, is sophisticated enough to be in the Cambridge English Dictionary as well as to be transformed into a gold bracelet (see above photo). Thank you, Betsy — I’m wearing it at this moment.]

My prescription to oxyCODONE alleviated the worst of the pain to be sure. But it also made me loopy, i.e., I panicked while FaceTiming Adrienne one morning because I couldn’t find my iPhone; the iPhone I was holding in my right hand.

Worse, I was unable to concentrate which meant I couldn’t read. “Brain fog” had descended, a common experience when one is in chronic pain. I resorted to binge-watching all 39 episodes of Succession (again), and watched the Oscar-winning animated film, “Flow” at least four times. My sweet neighbor, Laura, gifted me with a couple volumes of “Mad Libs” but soon I couldn’t even concentrate on those few words.

I wanted to scream, scream and scream again. Concerned, my beloved Carol thought I needed to lighten up and play, so she sent me these goofy guys for stress relief. Pull their hair and they each emit six different screams. GENIUS!

The blue screamer is beside my bed; the purple screamer is next to my reading chair. We’re inseparable. I hope they get through TSA on my next plane trip.

Then I discovered books with mostly pictures and illustrations:

Soon, I was able to concentrate enough to go through old New Yorkers for cartoons worthy of my proprietary cartoon file.

UGHHHH! I just noticed the current occupant of the White House on one of the covers. Where are my screamers?!!!!

Six weeks after surgery, the pain was still there, feeling more like a nagging, irritating toothache that was keeping me awake at night. My screamers could only do so much. I was chronically surly, grumpy, prickly, crabby . . . could ANYTHING vanquish my pain and petulance?

Then one afternoon, my walking buddy, Rick whose action figure collectibles number in the thousands, stopped by to pain er, play it forward by gifting me with my very own Ripley action figure from “Aliens”! More specifically, Ripley in my very favorite, “Get-away-from-her, you bitch!” pose! Click on the hyperlink to see the actual scene from “Aliens”! You’ll be empowered and your pain will dissipate!

Yes, Ripley sleeps with me.

TOMORROW: SURGICAL LESSONS — WORK!

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