Well, it’s been awhile . . . like FIFTEEN weeks since I last posted on Spark and Spitfire . . . that’s more than a quarter of a year. The main reason for this gap is the total RIGHT knee replacement surgery that I underwent on March 13. Yes, I know that’s five weeks after my last post on February 4, but I needed those weeks to dread the upcoming surgery. In August 2021, my LEFT knee had been replaced so I knew what awaited me. It wasn’t going to be easy or pretty.
I was relatively calm pre-surgery thanks to Adrienne’s presence and the very kind pre-op nursing staff that patiently endured my nervous one-liners while Adrienne rolled her eyes. The surgery went well, the post-op nurse told me, except prior to losing consciousness on the surgical table, I kept repeating these lines from an Emily Dickinson poem: “Because I could not stop for death/He kindly stopped for me.” I have no recollection of this, but the surgical staff was no doubt put on high alert.
I honestly felt little pain for the first eight hours, but then the lumbar epidural steroid injection began to wear off; worse, dinner was served. The food looked okay if cold ground beef slathered with “is-that-onion-gravy?” and mixed vegetables are your thing. Not my thing.
Thankfully, the nurse presented me with a goodie bag of drugs that would numb the pain and my taste buds. Gotta tell ya, that oxyCODONE is strong. I was loopy within 30 minutes and in full panic mode because I couldn’t find my reading glasses.
The next morning, the surgical nurse checked up on me entering the room not with a solicitous, “How you are doing?” but rather a declarative, “I know that you are doing great!” Well, one of us is, I thought, pretty certain that I had seen her in the movie, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”
Adrienne was able to take me home about five hours later. I had survived. I had endured. Would she? Would my beloveds? The fun was only just beginning . . .
TOMORROW: SURGICAL LESSONS — LAUGH!
My darling! I am so glad you did not die!!! But I understand the feeling. I wrote a whole book about my ridiculous experiences while having surgery (in final editing stage at the moment) and I can always convinced I am going to die (wrong so far!).
You crack me up! Gotta love those opiods – there a reason people get addicted.
I love you like crazy.
Neola, Neola, Neola — thank you for being the first to comment not only this morning, but in the LAST FIFTEEN WEEKS!
First, lemme know when your book is hot off the presses because I would like a signed copy. Second, I never really understood why folks got hooked on opioids until I had to take them for pain. They are alarmingly potent, but I believe the most alarming thing about them is that they are very, very cheap. Twenty-eight 10 MG tabs only cost me $6.53. I have prescription insurance, but still, the cost makes opioids too accessible.
Last, and most importantly, I love you like crazy, too!
I agree with you about the cost of opioids. I am constantly astounded with the cheap cost of drugs people should use as seldom as possible. On the other hand, drugs people really need to heal (not pain drugs) are outrageously expensive, such that people who absolutely need to get back to work can’t afford the medications! I can afford them, but I don’t understand it.
This post is the first of six posts that I am planning to publish about my latest joint replacement. My left knee was replaced in August 2021 and my right hip in October 2022. I’m keeping my fingers and legs crossed that I will NOT have to replace my left hip any time soon, though hip replacement surgery is a breeze compared to knee replacement surgery.
The five remaining posts will cover the support I received from humor [LAUGH]; beloveds [BELIEVE]; objects (because I couldn’t concentrate on reading) [PLAY]; the dreaded physical therapy [WORK] and what I learned from books when I could finally read [RESOLVE].
Stay tuned!
Damn! I’m late to the dance AGAIN! How can I manage to get snail mail to you on time but not post digital comments?
When I read this yesterday my first thought is that you are providing a primer for those of us who have not had a replacement…yet. Thanks for taking one for the team!
No worries, Beth. All is forgiven in light of your miraculous effort to keep the United States Postal Service solvent with your tireless devotion to snail mail.
Oh Sweetie I have been waiting for you to write about this endurance command performance. I am so glad you now can do so. I await the next installment with great anticipation. You are so loved.
Thank you and back at ya, dear Charlotte!
So love that you can reflect so honestly about this surgery, and equally wonderful that you were able to approach and live through this misery with your powerful (and I do mean powerful!) sense of humor. Well done!
Thank you, Carol, but I must also give credit to Adrienne, the master of the instant, one-line rejoinder. I follow in her eloquent footsteps with my lousy cane.
Sharon, I’m so happy that your humor never seems to leave you. It was obviously present during this latest knee replacement, even the hospital staff responded to it. I wonder if it was noted on your medical file in very large, bright red letters! I am glad to see that you are healing & getting around quite well. To me, it seems that you are progressing quickly, more so that the first time around (but maybe it’s been such a long time ago that I’ve forgotten; could be!).
Keep up the good work, humor & all!
Thank you, dear Laura. As you no doubt saw on my Facebook page, I unexpectedly graduated from physical therapy the morning this post was published!