Like any sensitive person recovering from mental and physical trauma, (see My First Hospital Admission), I embarked on a healing process I couldn’t refuse. Last weekend, I watched all three Godfather movies in a 12-hour period.
One of the most famous lines is, “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli,” from the first Godfather movie — a line that was improvised by Richard S. Castellano, the actor playing Clemenza — after he and Rocco kill Paulie for Paulie’s alleged role in arranging the near-fatal hit on Vito Corleone, the Godfather. Three shots ring out, Paulie slumps to the steering wheel and Clemenza orders Rocco to, “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”
Hmmmmm. Leave negativity in the past. Take “the sweet” with you into the future.” Wise words, I thought, particularly heading into a week of medical appointments:
— This past Monday, I received my second Pfizer vaccination and had only a moderately adverse reaction. Done. Check. Cannoli.
— This past Wednesday, my orthopedist — aware of my recent hospitalization — advised me to wait on any knee and/or hip replacement “to minimize additional trauma.” Done. Check. Cannoli.
— Just five hours later, while flossing my teeth (I proudly accept the annual award from my dentist for “Patient with Cleanest Teeth”), I unwittingly popped out a lower crown. I felt something sliding toward my throat, gagged and out popped the crown into my left palm. In January 2015, also while flossing, the same crown popped out into the bathroom sink and down the drain. Fortunately, back then, a plumber was able to recover the crown.
Even more fortunately, six years later, no internal plumbing was required to retrieve it again. Cannoli.
Still, as this next awful pun will attest, I am crown in the dumps. A year ago, a small outside portion of this recalcitrant crown appeared to have chipped off at some point. At the time, the dentist said it was still fine, “Enough there to last a while.” However, will the pressure from re-affixing the crown again completely break it? Will I have to shell out another $1,400 for another crown in the same damn spot?
Fortunately, I already had a scheduled dental appointment tomorrow morning to rebuild an upper molar on the other side of my mouth. Upper molar. Lower crown. Gun or cannoli?
This upcoming Monday, I am undergoing scheduled MOHS surgery on my nose to remove once again basal cell carcinoma located in the same damn spot as in August 2010. A decade ago that surgery required 12 stitches on top of the nose and 28 beneath the surface.
How many stitches will be required this time?
Leave the gun.
[By the way, to follow-up on my March 25 cardiac hospitalization, I saw my GP on March 31st and a cardiologist on April 2, who wanted to schedule me for a stress test this Tuesday, the day after the dermo tinkers with my schnoz. The stress test is now scheduled for Wednesday, April 21. Stay tuned.]
I’m pondering designing a t-shirt that says, “Leave the gun,” particularly in light of the resurgence of recent-and-always-senseless mass shootings. All of us need to “leave the gun” where it belongs — in the hands of responsible, law-abiding gun-owners who, when not hunting, etc., keep them under lock and key.
Thank god President Biden is taking small steps toward sensible gun laws.
OK with age body wears out–and it turns out even artificial stuff wears out. Bummer. Fortunately your sense of humor is hail and hearty and helping you through this mess. You are a gem. Love you
Love you, too, Charlotte.
My beloveds — particularly Adrienne — are helping me through this mess, too. The good news is that I don’t believe I have any other artificial stuff (yet) in and/or on my body that will wear out. Just crowns — I believe I have three or four.
When the dentist first told me about a decade ago that I would need a crown, I was like, “I KNOW, right?”
Oh well, I was never cut out for royalty. [RIP, Prince Philip]
In a separate email, a beloved said that I looked “absolutely adorable” in the MOHS-surgery photo posted here. Just so you know, this photo was taken in the middle of the surgery, after the dermo took yet another and deeper slice of my nose to see if the margins were clear of cancer so IT WOULD NOT GROW BACK AGAIN.
Moments ago, I sent this beloved a photo of what I looked like two days after that MOHS surgery 11 years ago. She responded: “Wow, it looks like they hacked at your nose with a bottle opener or something. It healed very nicely, though, so let’s hope the same holds true this time.”
Yeah, let’s hope.
I knew something was up when the nurse assisting the dermo 11 years ago said this (which I copied into my journal) when the surgery was nearly complete: “It’s a good thing you won’t be taking off your bandage for at least 24 hours because you can’t get it wet. I’ll be honest with you honey — that’s a good thing, because you’re gonna cry when you look in the mirror.”
I did, of course. And a day later, I fell down the stairs and cracked my tailbone because the bandage was large enough to cover my good eye and I had no sense of perspective in the weak eye. I was in bed for at least two weeks and it took another four weeks to hit my stride again.
The dentist tomorrow. Dermo on Monday. Nobody nose the trouble I’m goin’ to see.
Don’t worry, Sharon. You are still beautiful, with or without a crown. Personally, I would have no trouble with the ‘leaving the gun’ part: I don’t own one. But where do I find the cannoli?
Thanks, David.
I googled, “Best Cannoli’s near Germantown” and this came up:
http://gemellisitalianmarket.com
Ever been there? Give it a try. Report back. xoxo
Another beloved in a separate email had this perspective: “. . . at least you’re getting a year’s worth of issues in a span of 3 weeks!”
Not a bad perspective particularly during April which T.S. Eliot called, “the cruelest month.”
The piece may be better called “The dangers of flossing.” You also point out the horrid fact that dental bills are probably worse than medical bills, a thought I harbor when my dentist tells me about the vacation that she and her family took to Buenos Aires, most of which was sponsored by my semi-annual visits.
I also think that your orthopedist did not realize that a potential hip replacement would keep you out of other health-related troubles.
Well, Bruce . . . guess you’re not taking the cannoli. xoxo
The picture of you made me LOL! I am searching for “Drama Queen Rehab” tshirts literally now! Thank you for making me smile. You are definitely the cannoli.
Thanks, Kelly. I bought that t-shirt about 15 years ago in Provincetown, MA during “Family Week.” It was the actual color of mental hospital garb. I was the envy of gay men everywhere.
Glad to hear that you got your 2nd Pfizer shot. I get my 2nd shot this coming Monday. Keeping my fingers crossed that they caught the need for the MOHS surgery early and thus don’t need to remove as much tissue as last time. And although you have to wait on the knee/hip stuff, everyone I know who has had those surgeries has had very positive results – drastic reduction in pain and much improved mobility of the joint(s). Keep looking for the cannoli, kiddo.
I don’t even like cannoli, but now I kind of want one! However, I am not wanting a joint replacement for at least a few more years (thank you, yoga!)
Best wishes for your MOHS surgery tomorrow and I hope they get it all with the first slice. Be careful on the stairs!