The weekend before Election Day, a beloved texted me a meme that said, “It’s as if the whole country is waiting for the results of a biopsy due Nov. 5.” I immediately thought, “That’s exactly how I feel!” Then I began to wonder about those Americans who were actually waiting for the actual results of an actual biopsy due Nov. 5. How must they feel? Then I began to wonder about those Americans who struggle with serious mental health issues like severe anxiety or debilitating depression . . . how are they feeling? How would they respond to the results of the presidential election if Trump won?
Here is how one American responded.
I woke up around 2:30 a.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 6 and learned on my iPad that the New York Times whatever-meter-thingy was giving Trump a 95% chance of winning the election. “WTF?! How in theeee hell is that possible?” I exclaimed out loud before doom-scrolling to other news sites. All were predicting a Trump victory. My heart sank and then my spirits . . . lower than whale shit. I knew that once the train left my depression station, it would only stop when it reached the bottom of the abyss. I had to do something . . . ANYTHING!
I noticed that my duvet had somehow slipped four inches below the top of my duvet cover. I recalled how frustrating it had been to put the cover on 18 months earlier, but if I could fix it, I would not get wrapped up in depression. Unlike the first time, I researched “hacks” for putting on a duvet cover — all referred to the “burrito method”: 1) Turn the cover inside out; 2) Put the duvet on top; 3) Roll it up; 4) Flip the corners of the roll right-side out; 5) Unroll. Out of curiosity, I googled the “fastest time” for putting on a duvet cover using this method. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, it was 39.41 seconds achieved by Luke Fuller in Brighton, UK on March 19, 2015.
Easy, peasy.
Forty-five minutes later after at least a dozen burrito attempts, I stopped and sobbing aloud, announced: “Sweet Jesus, the fucking son-of-a-bitch won.”
I needed to connect with a beloved. I texted a couple: “Are you up?” Of course, no response — it was nearly 4 a.m.! I turned on the TV and stared blankly at the screen for at least the next 12 hours. During those hours, I periodically checked Facebook, and predictably, many users were posting the requisite, “Every day is a new beginning,” or “Change your thoughts and you can change the world,” or “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” But as the hours wore on, several users were posting more honest — and for me, more helpful — perspectives:
Please tell me that I am not the only one who wants to throw up every time she sees a “we’re in this together/don’t give up/it will all be OK” post. We aren’t going to be OK. Do you really think Trump and his army of Oligarchs give a shit about states rights? They don’t give a shit about the Constitution and guess where states rights are guaranteed, in the Constitution. This is a very real crisis that won’t be fixed by thoughts, prayers or states rights.
Do not let me see or hear one white woman say “not me, don’t be angry with me”. The numbers don’t lie. You might have voted for Kamala but the majority of white women did not, a white woman you know voted for Trump and that is why black woman can be as angry at all of us for as long as they need to be. We failed the assignment.
The most painful thing about the election outcome is just who half of our fellow Americans are. That is followed closely by the realization that they have no clue they are not who they think they are (i.e. “Christians” or even “good people”) instead of deluded reprobates, following the quintessential reprobate. It is what it is. But nothing has gotten “settled”; the lines have just gotten redrawn. Now we pull up a chair and watch as the Trumpers get what they thought they wanted–a strong man, utterly corrupt, mentally compromised, truly deplorable (yep, I said it) that no amount of lipstick will hide as the pig he is. If what they craved was more respect and higher regard in American society, they have failed. And on we go.
I am saddened in my soul and body as I wake up this morning to the horrific news of the election . . . I had so much hope for this country . . . but it’s gone now . . . as with my respect for a lot of people . . . so, I write them off from my kindness and niceness. It hurts to be the kind of person that cares about others and to see the mediocre thrive on their stupidity. . . to see the gall of phoniness and insincerity thrive. I honestly cannot see how this country will survive! Democracy was an experiment . . . it’s lasted for so many years and thrived . . . now, we face a dictatorship. Hope you Trump voters are happy with your destructive acts. I find you all disgusting!
Facebook posts such as these are now farther and fewer between. I assume, like me, most angry users have reached the “depression” stage of grief. I’m doing what I can to claw my way out of this abyss, like taking walks outside. But yesterday, while on a walk down the street outside my home, I discovered this — seriously, I did and it’s still there: just another duvet in America.
You should have texted me, I am almost always awake and when asleep my ringer is off.
I still can hardly even talk about the election results and cannot do so without shrieking. Apparently I’m still in the anger phase.
Thank god, Neola. Please keep shrieking on my behalf.
I believe in my bones that the worst thing that can happen now is accommodating ourselves to the peril that awaits. I have read too much about how the Third Reich came to power mostly because good “Christians” did nothing but cling to the promise of heaven, outrightly disobeying the teachings of Christ that overwhelmingly excoriated them to care and fight for the least among them here on earth.
What scares the shit out of me most right now is the “well-meaning” advice that our primary responsibility now is to feel less frightened and to ensure that others feel less frightened. Welcome to the “biblical” mandate of the majority of Christian churches in Germany in 1933.
Perspectives from Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), a German pastor, new-orthodox theologian and anti-nazi dissident who participated in the plot to assassinate Hitler and was hanged during the collapse of the Nazi regime:
“Silence in the face of evil is evil itself.”
“If I sit next to a madman as he drives a car into a group of innocent bystanders, I can’t, as a Christian, simply wait for the catastrophe, then comfort the wounded and bury the dead. I must try to wrestle the steering wheel out of the hands of the driver.”
A madman is the President-elect of the United States.
A perspective from Sophie Scholl, a German student and anti-Nazi political activist, active in the White Rose non-violent resistance group in Nazi Germany. She was convicted of high treason after having been found distributing anti-war leaflets at the University of Munich. She was beheaded along with her brother Hans in 1943, She was 21 years old:
“The real damage is done by those millions who want to ‘survive.’ The honest men who just want to be left in peace. Those who don’t want their little lives disturbed by anything bigger than themselves. Those with no sides and no causes. Those who won’t take measure of their own strength, for fear of antagonizing their own weakness. Those who don’t like to make waves—or enemies. Those for whom freedom, honour, truth, and principles are only literature. Those who live small, mate small, die small. It’s the reductionist approach to life: if you keep it small, you’ll keep it under control. If you don’t make any noise, the bogeyman won’t find you. But it’s all an illusion, because they die too, those people who roll up their spirits into tiny little balls so as to be safe. Safe?! From what? Life is always on the edge of death; narrow streets lead to the same place as wide avenues, and a little candle burns itself out just like a flaming torch does. I choose my own way to burn.”
From New York Times opinion columnist, Michelle Goldberg on November 3 — BEFORE the election:
“But even if the unthinkable happens, it won’t happen all at once. Hannah Arendt wrote in “The Origins of Totalitarianism,” about how the dislocations of World War I created a mass a stateless people who lived, ‘outside the law,’ Seeing these people deprived of human rights, those secure in their citizenship did not generally worry about their own. ‘It was precisely the seeming stability of the surrounding world that made each group forced out of its protective boundaries look like an unfortunate exception to an otherwise sane and normal rule,’ wrote Arendt.
“My kids keep asking anxiously what will happen if Trump wins. I tell them that their lives won’t change, that we’ll have to try to stand up for others who are more vulnerable, but that we ourselves will be fine. The last two words I only say in my head: ‘For now.'”
It’s our one week anniversary of stop caring about the rights of others and only caring about ourselves! These people sure know how to live! Unencumbered by any concerns other than their own! Wow! What took us so long?! AMIRITE LADIES?! 🥳
Fucking A, Kelly.
Also, PU-LEEZE don’t forget that Elon Musk offered to impregnate Taylor Swift after she shared that she was a childless cat lady. What a generous, caring guy!
Can’t wait to see how he and Vivek abort more rights for women in what Trump is calling his “Manhattan Project” [please note the first syllable in “Manhattan”], his newly formed Department of Government Efficiency.
Women are so lucky to have these men in charge because we sure do hate thinking for ourselves.
Nothing says “government efficiency” like having two men lead it!
KELLY — TWO MALE BILLIONAIRES with a combined worth of 321+ billion dollars. Just think of the injustice that can buy, the irony being of course that they won’t have to spend one fucking penny to fuck us and the world.
Seriously, though, Sharon, I have thought the same thing about Black Women. WE LET THEM DOWN. When I see a black woman I want to say something that will matter, but WHAT WOULD EVEN MATTER NOW?! FFS (for f*ck sake) they originated the fight to have control of their own bodies!
A dear Black female friend from graduate school once said, “We are so tired of explaining things and teaching you all, please figure it out for yourselves.”
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly — look at me, sister. Toni Morrison no doubt would have responded to Musk, Ramaswamy [is he even an American?], Trump, Bannon and the whole fucking lot of them with what she once said: “fascism is recognizable by its need to purge, by the strategies it uses to purge, and by its terror of truly democratic agendas.”
But what the hell does a winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature know?
As proof to your state in that moment, I will remind you that you FaceTimed me at 2:30 am when you found out. I had gone to bed at midnight. Needless to say, it was a short call.
Me? Shocked, stunned, angry and frustrated that those who voted for him can’t see what he represents or the big picture. “Fake news” is social media where those voters read their news.
But f* it, I’m not going down without a fight.
Adrienne, yes it was a short call and I was forced to put my duvet cover on by myself.
That being said, I am grateful that I won’t be in the fight alone.
Here’s the truth about the election results and my depression: I am still in the flannel sock monkey pajamas I put on yesterday at lunch time, after I wrote today’s post. I had them on when I took the photo of the duvet on the side of the road. Then I had a cut-up potato for dinner and watched QVC for the rest of the evening.
This morning, I had the rest of the cut-up potato for breakfast and am cursing, cursing, cursing myself for accidentally glancing at the front of my Washington Post this morning for the latest gauge on the darkness that awaits.
HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID AS TO GLANCE AT THE NEWS? You know why that happened? Because secretly, I really relish being in the abyss. It’s a dark and cold place, but I get to wear flannel sock monkey pajamas and eat a potato.
I went back to bed with the covers over my head, but I can’t sleep. So I got up and opened my blog — I DID NOT ACCIDENTALLY GLANCE AT THE NEWS, NO I DID NOT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO FEEL DISEMPOWERED. It helped to see the comments from Kelly and Adrienne.
This meme from Facebook:
“Trump supporters are always like, ‘I hope you don’t hate me because of who I voted for,’ but based on who you voted for, I’m pretty sure you hate me.'”
Maybe the final stage of the resistance is to say, FUCK YOU.
And from the Department of Who the Hell Cares in Light of the Peril that Awaits, I haven’t combed or brushed my hair for two days. I have, however, brushed and flossed my teeth.
Competing Facebook memes:
#1 “Life is short and we do not have much time to gladden the hearts of those who journey with us, so be swift to love, make haste to be kind and go in peace to love and serve the Lord.”
#2 “White, conservative evangelicalism can do all the rebranding it wants, but it will look nothing like the Jesus it claims until it repents of its idolatrous relationship with the unholy trinity of Patriarchy, White Supremacy and Religious Nationalism.”
Guess which one I think is complete bullshit in light of the peril that awaits?
just to say…
Thank you for spelling out the profundity of your despair and depression. I hadn’t realized the depths.
Let me now simply listen.
So here we are, each day descending into a new realm of Hell in Dante’s Inferno. For me, the biggest and most immediate challenge is that the Freedom Caucus has taken control of the Wyoming Legislature and have vowed to pursue their agenda of allowing concealed carry firearms in ALL sensitive areas: schools, public meetings, the state Capitol, etc. We have fought this off successfully for years. All surveys of the public oppose it overwhelmingly … and yet officials continue to move it forward. I am likely to be the one under the duvet after the Wyoming legislative session ends in March of 2025!
Beth — I am responding at 2:43 a.m. EST. Your comment demonstrates how the destruction from Dante’s Inferno is impacting those we love across the nation. You had shared a bit with me about your specific dread and now it has come to pass. I am sorry.
I also know that you are traveling to San Diego today to participate in a Susan G. Komen walk/benefit for breast cancer. Thank you.
Small steps. Small steps. Small steps.