On Sunday night, I lost power and missed the last 30 minutes of the “Game of Thrones” finale. I had invested dozens and dozens of hours binge-watching all 72 previous episodes, only to miss the crucial denouement. The power went out with Tyrion (below) in chains, and when the power returned, the credits were rolling.
I recently interviewed a female playwright who wrote, “Support Group for Men,” a play featuring seven male characters. When I asked her how a female could write male voices, (“Did you secretly record a men’s support group?), she replied, “No, of course not — I used my imagination!”
In that spirit, here’s how I imagine the “Game of Thrones” finale ended. (As of this writing, I have yet to see the ending.)
After Jon Snow stabs and kills Daenerys Targaryen (the “Mother of Dragons,” pictured above), he tenderly lays one single flower atop her chest next to the dagger he used to stab her. She looks longingly at it, whispers, “Rose bud,” and dies. Drogon, her one surviving dragon, gets really pissed and rears back to pulverize Jon Snow with dragon fire.
Just then, Ripley (How? We don’t know — it’s a mystery) from “Aliens” stomps in and hisses, “Stay away from him, you bitch” (see below), and scares Drogon so profoundly that it flies away for comfort from its long-lost mentor . . . the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz.
“The horror, the horror,” says The Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz upon seeing Drogon. He then orders Drogon to fly back whence it came because, “There’s no place like home.”
Meanwhile Tyrion escapes his chains (another mystery), sniffs the air because Drogon had razed an entire city ruled by a rival Queen because the Mother of Dragons wanted to be the only Queen (that story trope will never change) and says, “I love the smell of napalm in the morning!” Then terrified that he may be the only human left alive, he screams, “Houston, er, Westeros, we have a problem!” Raising an angry fist, he vows never to go hungry again.
Ayra, the youngest Ripley in the House of Stark (and Sharon’s FAVORITE “Game of Thrones” character, see above), suddenly appears (that mystery thing) next to Tyrion and declares that she is ready for her closeup. Tyrion responds, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Not to be defeated, Ayra looks with fierce determination toward the sun setting in the west and proclaims, “I’m Queen of the World! After all tomorrow is another day!”
ROLL CREDITS
Since I don’t watch the show, I will say that this ending is more satisfying. However, you neglected to use a favorite line, “…Take the cannolis.”
Ironically, Sharon and I had joked about the power going out during the finale. From what I’ve heard and read, the power going out was not as much of a disappointment as the ending to the show.
Adrienne — so many good movie lines, not enough creativity (if one can call it that) or time to fit in all of them. What can I say, but, “Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.”
Hey, here’s another mystery! The notification for this post landed in my iCloud inbox! Truly the best ending of all!
Did not watch any of the show, but agree with Adrienne’s assessment based on the NPR review.
WHAAATTTT!!!! Beth — your notification showed up in your regular inbox? WHY WON’T MINE?!!!! I’m the administrator of this blog. I created the notifications! It’s not a mystery. It’s a curse. The curse of the Mother of Dragons.
You are right … it’s a curse. Pretty much the whole internet thing is in my assessment. It’s a giant suck on precious moments of a human life!
Clever, as always. Fun to read even thought I know zilch about the series.